Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
