I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
