you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
