I'm gonna have a badass scar
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
