I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
