Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
