just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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