Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
