absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
