Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
