At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
