last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize