How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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