forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm both gender and math confused
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize