its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she peed on how many people?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.