I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
