now i know why i became what i already was.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
