I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
