summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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