what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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