So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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