You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
