I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
