If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
