Me too!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize