and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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