remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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