my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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