I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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