its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
