He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
