What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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