make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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