Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
