Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
