do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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