do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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