Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
