So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
