On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
