Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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