I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
