Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
there is puke in my bra ... again
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