We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
