bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
