It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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