I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
