My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize