Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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