my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
