I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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