he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
