You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
